Comfort

 In the spring of 1985 I was a 17 year old Senior in High School and I drove a black PACER.  Though mine was not quite as new looking as this photo, it looked similar.  It had a cassette tape player in it and as a newer driver I enjoyed rolling down the windows and putting in a cassette and playing it loud.  

I didn't fully realize at that time how close my 49 year old Father, Jimmy, was to dying of lymphoma cancer, but I knew he was very sick since we had a hospital bed where our kitchen table had been previously.  I saw how my Mom was caring for him every day and how nurses were called in to assist her.

I would get in my car after a day of school at Rockdale County High and put in a blue sparrow cassette by a newer artist named Twila Paris.  That spring I found myself rolling down the window and driving down the big hill just beyond my high school and singing these lyrics at the top of my lungs with tears pouring down my face.

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord
I will trust You

I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.

This morning I am 37 years older but as the Holy Spirit reminded me of this song today.  I listened to it afresh here in our home, Beacon Hall, and I rewound to that 17 year old me and she reminded me "He was God before and He'll never change" as I sang in worship to the Lord.

What a battle of trusting God my Mom must have felt as she tended her dying husband.  What a time of uncertainty on God's timing for her now as her body deteriorates at a shockingly gradual pace.  BUT He is with her now as He was with her then.  He is WITH me now and He was with me then.  

"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life." Psalm 119:50

We continue to TRUST THE PROMISE KEEPER who is GOD WITH US even as we wrestle in lament and questions.   Thank you for your prayers and words of comfort as we wait on Him.